Ghetto Martha {Stewart} Griffiths

I have a love/hate relationship with my (not so much) namesake, Martha Stewart. I love to be creative, if I were unable to create and to beautify (this is very subjective, so no nasty comments please), I would probably shrivel up and be a very bitter woman. Martha Stewart all but has the monopoly on creative homemaking, decorating, cooking, sewing, crafting, holidaying, and gardening. Could Martha have any more magazines that peddle her awesome enterprising abilities, craftiness, ingenuity, and style? Probably not. Could I subscribe to any more of her periodicals in order to perpetuate my need to compete/comply with the Empress that is Martha? Probably not.
My beef with Martha is that, although I have plenty of stylish/creative ideas, Martha always seems to stay one step ahead of me, or completely out do my idea by making hers just a little more spectacular, thus making me ghetto.

Case and point, well a number of cases and points:



A few years ago, I had the idea of doing a black and white photo family history wall. The idea was to have my ancestors, or at least the ones I had photos of and my family on one wall, to create a visual history. I started, and then the above is all the further I got. One of these days it was really going to happen. Then I get my Martha Stewart living and the chick has stolen my idea and made it magnificent.



Ok, so maybe there are a few black and white family history walls out there, but it was MY idea I say.



When we moved into this house, I made a little collage of sketches and paintings on the wall. But I guess it's not chic because according to Blueprint, the frames should be empty and all the same color.





I've always loved my pot rack. It' functional, it's pretty. Then I open the issue with Martha's Turkey Hill home and find out no one does the pot rack like Martha.



I had the idea of doing a harlequin pattern in our entry way in our new home (after deciding it wasn't right for the kitchen). Then I see she did a harlequin pattern in her Turkey Hill entry way, and she even stenciled it on.





I've always fancied myself a little of a post modern pinup. I don't like trends. I love skirts, red lipstick, femininity, and soft unmanicured hair. Next thing I know, Martha turns the PMP hip. The unmanicured hair is perfect and just makes mine look like what it is, messy.





Sometimes I just accept defeat and comply with the powers that be. I made the above and although it was delicious it didn't look nearly as beautiful because it boiled over in my oven and filled my house with smoke.



I decided to just let the god that is Martha dictate what my familie's Halloween costumes would be this year. Her version is above, my ghetto version below (I have to say, I did one up her with the leaf skirts though, maybe that cancels out the rest of the haphazardness of it).



It's like I live in a parallel universe with Martha. Only I live in Lehi, UT and she lives, well, like in 10 different places (none of which are Lehi).
I once had an investigator on my mission who told me that he really wrote the lyrics to The Eagles' Hotel California. He said he wrote it in a trailer out in the woods and that Don Henley must have been spying on him and stole the lyrics (why he wrote a song which involved California is puzzling since he had never left New Brunswick, which is clear across the continent from California, and why Don Helnley would be looking for lyrics in New Castle, New Brusnswick is also puzzling). I used to think he was nuts. But now, I have to consider that maybe he was onto something. Perhaps Martha has been taping into my genius and improving upon my ideas. Do you think I have a lawsuit (Andy)?