A Mom's Life in the Fast Lane

I dreaded returning from a mission. I cried secretly, sometimes not so secretly. Shingles broke out in flames around my midsection from worry. Initially, as a missionary, it took some time to 'forget myself'. By the time 18 months was up, I had found that I loved not thinking about me. I loved knowing that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I loved that my choices were clear and simple. I could either do a great job, a mediocre job or a bad job of fulfilling my calling. I have to admit, the exciting, lightning bolt experiences were few and far between. Most of my days were spent knocking on doors and praying for an opportunity to teach, but I was happy, the happiest I had been. I had never felt so good about myself and about others, but a mission went by fast.
What worried me about going home was I knew what I had to go back to, me. I had to start thinking about myself again, where to work, when to go to school, who to date and where to live. Instead of 2 pairs of shoes to choose from I'd have 15, instead of worrying about whether an investigator would show up for church, I'd be worrying about money. And although I understood that there are times and seasons and that these worries were a necessary part of life, it felt good to be part of such an important work. I knew that I was a part of "bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man".
Now, 11 years later, I'm a stay at home mother to 3 very young children. Over the past 4 years I've found myself asking "What about me?". My choices have seemed to be very limited, 'to change a diaper or to not change a diaper'? I've often wondered if I should be doing something else besides 'just' being a stay at home mom. Maybe I need a way to express myself outside of being a mother. It's true that I rarely feel the excitement that comes from having your work appreciated or admired. It's true that I am unable to spend much time on myself, my feet have not crossed the threshold of a salon for at least 8 months. But time goes so fast. My children's youth will be over before I know it. I will be their sole influence for only so long. Soon I will be crying about having myself all to myself again. Although somewhat muddled in a gray world, I suppose I still have 3 very clear choices. I can do a great job, a mediocre job or a bad job of this calling I've been given, and sometimes when things are still I can see in my children's eyes that I am still about His work and His glory and then I don't worry so much about me.

The work we are about in our fast lives:

Waking up to my man J. Abram



Providing an adequate supply of strawberries




Regulating pacifier and "Dora" time



Washing cold, dirty toes



Placing large, obnoxious bows in daughters' hair



Making sure the man gets an ample amount of sitting position time





Admiring my beautiful children