Age and time do not necessarily bring wisdom. The older I become, the more questions I have.
The more wrinkles I accrue, the more I realize my youthful clarity was misguided.
And I don't know. I am not prideful enough to tell you I do know.
But I do know there is peace. There is peace in the unknown.
Be still, and know that I am God...Psalms 46:10
I don't know why I, an impatient and reluctant mother am pregnant, yet again, so soon. Are there not others more worthy? More capable?
But there is a stillness in that question. Regardless of how silly or ungrateful, my heart is known.
And why, at not yet 13 weeks, am I a pot belly pig, with undetectable feet and mismatched socks?
I don't know what the answers are for my brother, or what the eternities hold. But stillness comes with the knowledge that the Lord lives. That He loves us. And love is what He expects from me.
Amidst the bleakness of this winter, with it's inversion blocking the brilliance of the sun and dropping the temperature (and the serotonin), I feel the still.
And even if I don't know, there is peace in the fact that I am known.
15 comments:
i firmly believe that things are the way they are for a reason. and i know that you are right, love is what He expects from us(as i have loved you, love another). you are a wonderful writer, i always leave your blog thinking.
got to love that Nate!
Martha, this is beautiful. I think I relate to the "youthful clarity" being misguided, too. I'd love to hear you expound on that someday.
As for worthiness and capableness, I don't doubt yours.
Your belly is very cute, too. What a great picture.
Thanks for writing this. I forget to be still far too often.
That was fantastic. I love it!
And I really love that adorable, cool picture of yourself. Rock on!
you should compile writings like that and publish them. i think a lot of people would find peace in them.
your tummy is cute.
First of all - nice post, I can relate and understand. Second of all, I saw you yesterday and you DO NOT look like a pot belly pig. You look really good. There are millions of women who would LOVE to look like you at 13 weeks pregnant.
Thank you Martha. Your post helped me understand a little more of what might be stirring in Heather as well, through three kids. You are loved. And BTW, you could never be a pot-belly pig. No joke, you have always been in my top-5 most beautiful people I have ever seen(now, with a little tummy).
Cute photo and great post! You do kinda look like Alyssa Milano. But still, I would never take your picture in the ladies' room.
This really was a beautiful post, Martha and I am glad you did after all post it.
One thing, I thought maybe you were gonna explain a little bit more about me? Not juts write that you don't know what the answers are for your brother--its fine, but I feel like I need to let people know that--I'm not a POW, or MIA or disfigured and incompetent, incarcerated for some horrible crime, I'm just gay. =)
I don't everything that implies, but I do know, like Martha, has written, that God loves and knows me and all of us, and in the end, its Him we must trust and the Spirit we feel through him...
So, don't get too worried for me. I'm trucking away the best I can just like the rest of 'ya!
I love you Martha. You are a GREAT sister! (I can't say "you are the greatEST sister", because my other sisters read your blog, too)
Martha I tagged you-oh I feel really small writing this on this particular blog post!! Go to my blog it will explain , I'd like to see your answers.
I agree with the above statements there is now way in %#*! you could ever be a pot belly big..You are far to beautiful....;)
Martha, you have such a beautiful way with words. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Oh and definitely not a pot-belly pig. Just a beautiful little bump.
That is a cute little belly you were sporting today.
I know how you feel, pregnancy always looks better on somebody else, right? But I have to agree with the other 13 comments, you are a yummy mummy.
And the fact that you ask the questions you do just proves that you are wise, despite what you might think.
very beautifully written...i absolutely love it. thanks for sharing a bit of your thoughts...you are a fantastic mother!
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