The Truth (at least some of it)

I've been thinking about comments I receive,the people I chat with once in a while and the perspective of those who read my blog who may not know me very well (although when we speak of knowing someone, there is a whole spectrum of knowledge isn't there?).

A blog, from what I can see and know, is a polished fragment of reality. Most of the truth I choose to keep private because it isn't up for public display, discussion, or debate. And sadly, there are people in my life (possibly most people's lives) who think that they are entitled to weigh in on my children and my choices.

Having said that, I feel that sometimes, not sharing the truth about certain things can be a disservice to others. I certainly don't want to mislead anyone by presenting a life of only beauty and loveliness.

I am often sad and have many setbacks. Lulu has made a lot of progress, but still struggles with a number of things. Just when I thought we had a few of them down she started to regress back into horrible social melt downs. They are often embarrassing and exhausting. She is inconsolable, and I am clueless. She is beautiful, and she is tender. I love her, but I am less than adequate for her in these situations.

I don't really feel like sharing that much about Norah, but I will say, it is a difficult situation. Norah is a sweet and sensitive little girl,we are trying to find the best way to help her focus and achieve her potential. I struggle every single day to keep myself calm and patient while trying to help her perform tasks.

Abram is occasionally sweet tempered, it's true. But he really is a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He throws screaming and kicking temper tantrums 5-8 times a day. I pray every night and every morning and often in between that I will know how to keep him calm and how to love him more. And, he's not interested in the potty, bummer.

Rosemary is perfect. Seriously.

So, to summarize, sometimes I am a good mother. Often, I am not. Although, I don't run around with friends, go out to lunch, watch TV,shop, or sit at the computer (very often), I fall short all. the. time. I don't know what the answers are. I am often lonely in my problems, oh yeah, there are also my problems besides those of my children (which essentially are my problems as well) and I almost always feel inadequate for this job.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I love my children, they are the reason I wake up every morning and the reason I fall in bed exhausted every single night. But I want you to know that these pretty pictures aren't the whole story, they tell only a small piece.

So here is to anyone else who struggles and cries. I invite you to stop by sometime for a drink and a hug.