Moving slowly and turning my swollen belly sideways to reach the faucet, I washed counter tops and swept floors. The phone call from the executive secretary with the message that the new Bishop wanted to meet with me early Sunday morning hung heavy in the kitchen. We had not yet met as a new ward and this new ward consisted only of a bishopric and a few hundred uncalled members.
My husband sat on a stool, "what do you think it is?", he asked. "I don't know, maybe relief society or primary", I replied. "It couldn't be about Young Women, I can't do that right now with a new baby. There is camp, youth conference, weekly activities, meetings, teenage drama-I'm just not in that place right now".
Of course, half of this conversation took place in my head-listing all of the reasons I couldn't possibly be called to YW. And I really didn't think I would.
Sitting stunned across from the Bishop and his counselors, I thought about all of the hours he had already dedicated in that short week, organizing a new ward, seeking the Lord's direction to make right choices, praying for help. As he looked at me sincerely, and waited for my answer I felt no burning desire or revelation to serve the YW. I only felt the need to follow through with a covenant.
In the days that followed, I tried to organize an auxiliary, have a new baby,and figure out what in the world I was supposed to be doing.
My first Sunday with the YW didn't produce any breakthroughs, it only reaffirmed my suspicion that I lacked teenage conversation skills and that I was clueless. I went home hot, sweaty, fat-about to burst, and ashamed that I wasn't more of a drill team leader kind of gal.
I had such a small understanding of the program that I really didn't know what to pray for. So I settled on love. I needed to love them, teenage girls need love-I know that I did.
Now, almost 15 months later, our bulging-at-the-seams ward has split. And although I am still the YW president in my 6th ward, 16 of the 24 girls are going with the new 7th ward. I still don't know what I am doing, I am still not cool, I am no better a drill team leader, but I have fallen in love.
I love the silliness and the teachability.
I love the silver smiles and the sweet hugs.
I love the laughter and the tenderness.
I love to feel how precious they are; I always come home high after an activity. There is no greater blessing than the Lord sharing His vision and the worth of souls with you.
And all of this just to have my heart broken.
But broken is better than unbreakable, and I am better for the opportunity.
9 comments:
Change is so hard. I served in the Relief Society Presidency for 3 & 1/2 years and went into a depression when I was released. I had come to love every one of those sisters and was sad that I would no longer be serving them and interacting with them on a one on one level. But I now love my calling in activity days. I love those girls!
Oh. You split? How hard for the YW and you.
Hope all is well. And for the record, you were never very big even days before delivering. Never fat.
You always look fantastic
You have done a great job with those girls. They won't appreciate all the sacrifices you have made until they make those sacrifices but they love you anyway. We are going to miss you guys!
I never did mention the other day how my heart broke when I was released from YW in my former ward. They called me to primary. I bawled through the whole setting apart. I wondered if they thought I was feeling the Spirit, when really, I was feeling that heartache you describe. I was in love. I'm so glad you get to stay in YW, even if you are losing so many and even if it is still very busy. It is a great calling!
Whatever Martha, you are the queen of cool!
You're losing 2/3 of your girls! Oh no!
I understand the wish to be a drill team leader. I've been wishing I had my friend Brenda's personality ever since I was called! And yet all we can do is be ourselves. It has to be enough.
It's amazing what we are capable of when we put it in the Lord's hands. I really do miss you!! I love your comments on my blog-I can almost hear your voice and it makes me laugh. I wish we lived closer too! Love this technology! xoxo
You are wonderful.
I'm sure there are many broken hearts as a result of the split. Who wouldn't want to hang out with beautiful Martha? I love Young Women's, but that always means some pain at some point. ;-)
You are amazing. A new beginning - AGAIN! You question your capability when everyone around you is confident in your "drill team leader" skills. Anyone and everyone is blessed to know you and have you in their lives... Me included. Love you Martha!
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