My Career.

I now serve on the "Relief Society committee" since being released as the YW president a year ago. It is just alright, I've served here before and I'm still not quite sure what the real purpose is, if you know what I mean. If you don't, just ignore me.

Anyway, our last meeting (on Wednesday) was on using technology to keep memories and family history. I was asked to speak on blogging. Uh-huh. I guess I need to step it up and write a little more about these people I am raising and these relationships I have been entrusted with.

Norah:





The relationship that I have with Norah is my most difficult. I love Norah, she is sweet and talented, but she presents challenges. At 4 in the morning, I can be found lamenting the fact that I will be fasting every single fast Sunday, for the rest of the year for Norah and myself. I know that I need to learn how to allow her to develop into her best self and into the potential she has while also teaching her responsibility and efficiency. That is hard, I don't know how to yet, but I have faith that I can learn.

She is taking ballet and enjoys it. She is insightful and thoughtful. She tends to question things, like women and their roles in the church. I wonder where she gets this?

Lulu:





Lulu needs me and I need Lulu. For whatever reason, I seem to "feel" Lulu, I always have. She hugs me way too tight, and expects the ridiculous from me, but she is profoundly loveable. It isn't fair to all the other children in the world that Lulu exists.

She loves school and other children. She even has a crush, which is a good sign. She also day dreams about little fantasies, which is another good sign. She told me one morning that she day dreamed about being the only student who showed up for A tack and her crush being the only student who showed up for B track, so that they would be totally alone. Another time, she told me of her fantasy of being out on a gymnasium floor with a crowd watching her, while an announcer said: You are about to witness Lulu! The amazing gymnast! I signed her up for gymnastics within the week by the way.

Abram:





I am having a sort of renaissance of affection with Abram. He went through a tough stage of torturing his sister and whining, but he is starting to pull through. I think he is brilliant of course. He makes things constantly. If he sees something he wants, he immediately sets out to make it. He has some serious ingenuity. He attached a cable from the handle of his locker to the handle of the shoe drawer below in order to open both drawers at once (because it is too much work to open one at a time.)

The other day we were talking about school and I asked him who his best friend was. He replied: Mommy. Today, while I was helping him clean his bathroom, he asked me if Jesus would take care of our home when we are dead. I told him that someone else would live in our home when we died. He asked if Jesus would at least take care of his blankie.

Rosemary:







I'm just going to be honest: Rosemary is driving me crazy. She is up, she is down, she is crying, she is yelling, she loves me, she doesn't love me, she only loves daddy, or Abram. Nothing is ever right or good enough for her and I don't know why I didn't choose abstinence. But she smiles and bats her eyelashes and I melt again. I pray this will pass too.



Brad is a good husband and really loves our children. He takes them almost every Saturday to do something fun, and most of the time I stay home and read while Rosemary sleeps. We are lucky.



Sometimes when things are actually pretty good, I wait for the other shoe to drop. But I am trying to find peace in actually enjoying the fruits of good labor or the fruits of plain old luck. I am actually starting to maybe unlock some of the secrets of life, seriously? I am enjoying the mundane, the teaching of math (yuck), the teaching of cleaning the toilets, the laundry piles, and the tiny increments of success every day. I guess this is it. Living in the moment is hard for someone like me but slowly, it is sinking in.