The foundation gapes. Cracks wind brazenly dividing common ground. Fragmented, crippled pieces fall and tumble. They disintegrate; forgotten and taken for granted.
I naively make a mortar of contrived moments, hoping an open window and soft breeze will seal wounds.
I move slightly and slowly, holding the door open for simplicity and pleading with peace to settle.
We woo the beetle and the moth. I memorize the lashes, glances and the soft miniature fingers gripping mine; praying these moments will be my savior. Huddling together we read fairy tales and hold hands 5 people wide to cross roads.
I tie the apron around her waist and teach her the art of peeling carrots. Over my shoulder I watch as she smiles upon her work, finding her rhythm and making headway.
I love hard and try to hold my tongue.
They are so soft.
Inside, so am I.
Nick by nick the splinters fall. Frantically I grasp and pull and smooth but the trail grows narrow and ruptured.
I'm loosing my step and cannot find solid ground.
I'm tired and things are rough.
I don't really feel like blogging anymore. It feels disingenuous.
I am so grateful for all of the beautiful people I have met and who have supported me. I am grateful for those close who I have understood better. All your kind words, emails, and phone calls have always meant the world to me. Thank you.
I know I have been blessed with wonderful friends who are so sincerely kind and loving.
I may change my mind, who knows. But for now it just doesn't feel good.
Thank you.
16 comments:
you are a born poet.
I understand your need to stop blogging in every way, on every level. But I won't lose track of you.
xoxo, m
I have never left a comment, I guess because we don't know each other. I stumbled upon your blog and have loved looking at it ever since. Your photos and writing are so beautiful. I would look at your blog when I need a few minutes to veg out. You are an inspiring mother...thanks for sharing.
it's okay...
just write when you need to vent...or share your beautiful words.
Have a great summer Martha. Hope to hear from you again sometime in the future!
I'll be waiting for your return. And I understand.
You will have to stop by sometime now so that we can stay in touch.
Wait...you can't just stop! (please) I love reading your poetic posts - so please give us a few tid bits when you feel you can!
Hugs, Martha. I get it. I hope to come visit soon. And about all of the nice things people wrote above me . . . ditto.
you are perfect in your words...
of course i'll miss them, but can understand. loves!
Martha, you sound so discouraged. I hope everything is okay.
I quit blogging in my head about once a week. Maybe someday I will make up my mind and stop for good.
I'll miss seeing how your babies are growing.
Completely understand. But will totally miss you!
But I will miss you. Hope you find your way back
Hey. Just catching up on a lot of your posts and walked upstairs to kiss/remind people to get in bed. And I realized I just felt all uplifted and happy and I realized it was because your beautiful and positive and poetic blog made me feel that way.
Thanks so much.
I really miss you when you take breaks. But I also understand the reconciliation it takes to blog and really live simultaniously. I have a hard time with it, too. This is why I only post about once a week these days.
Love you. Love your blog. Love your beautiful life.
In saying that, I also realize that your life is not perfect. We know you struggle. We all do. Finding the beautiful in spite of the difficult is what life is and to me, that is completely genuine.
hmm. so you weren't kidding. i gave it a while, and waited for you to post, but it appears you meant it.
i'm sulking.
You have such an elloquence with words. What a beautiful talent.
I completely understand how you feel. It's hard to know how much of yourself to share to the world. Especially when you're struggling inside.
You're truely a beautiful person with so much to share. There's a time and place for everything. But if you come back, so will I.
{{hugs from Texas!}}
Call me when you're ready to do lunch. I'm thinking about you.
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