"Two more, just two more", I often tell (ask) my husband. He shakes his head and tells me I'm crazy.
Maybe I am. Tell me true.
On the heels (hopefully) of a rough week, it does sound crazy. Abram is possessed by at least 6004 devils and has only ceased screaming for 3 to 4 minute intervals. Not to mention the "deposit" he made on our basement carpet, correctly placing them in order from largest to smallest. I'm also not mentioning that while taking these photos, Abram raised an extra-large box (which usually holds my sewing machine) over his head while I had my back turned and was on my knees, and slammed it over my head, smack down style.
My legs beg for long runs uninterrupted by breastfeeding and a rocking to sleep that only mom can preform.
The desire to sit for more then 30 seconds and place food in my mouth, without hearing the word "some?" is in the top 5 on my wish list.
Selfish? Selfless? Both lists fill with reasons to keep our family at the number 6.
Vacations, romance, service, education, existing children with needs, an aged body...the list goes on and on.
Yet, the pull is strong. I never thought I would find myself in this position, yearning for more babies while knowing there are perfectly good reasons not to have more babies.
I've often heard other women say to me, "There are other things I want to do with my life besides raise children". I get that, but in my heart I hear, "Like what?".
Maybe my heart travels to the beat of an unrestrained drum, this is a possibility.
All I know is that I have never felt so alive and intertwined with what is real as when I am lost in the gaze of my babies. They are why I prevail.
I was average before I met my children. As our partnership grows with each new arrival, I am in awe of what can be accomplished.
Time continues to pass regardless of whether my hands are filled with tiny sticky fingers. But tiny sticky fingers have passed time so sweetly...I don't want to let them go.
You have time to get back to me about the "crazy".
18 comments:
How many children to have is one of the most personal decisions a person/couple can make. I (usually) have no desire to judge other's choices.
That being said - If you feel the need/desire for more children, then I say, "Go for it." I personally look at my children right now and hope I have enough mothering in me for all of them. I feel strong pulls to do other things that I can't do with small children. My children make me so much more; they make my marriage so much more, but I just don't know if we will have more. I don't know if I am being selfish, practical, reasonable, or what.
It is funny that Brad and I talked about this outside Costco Saturday. If you feel you have the energy to care for more children, then I say you should bring more spirits yearning for an earthly body here into a home filled with love and knowledge. You are a great mother.
Well, you do make darling babies and you're only helping the world by adding more beauties.
And it doesn't hurt that you are already so thin after having a baby. You must be made for baby-making! ;)
You're awesome.
Not crazy. I totally understand it. My answer was a resounding "No". Makes me a little sad, but if you don't get that answer, then go for it. As I can't actually have anymore kids of my own, my getting more would be a bit more difficult... ;-) Though, I've done it before.
I don't think you're crazy, I'm in awe of your mothering!
I just thought this was so sweet~! (PS I'm a friend of Jenni's just blog stalking). Your little girl is so adorable and those pics were fabulous!
So not crazy. I absolutely love babies, and not having more was a tough decision. Plus, when you make them as sweet as that little baby girl...
I'm so with you on it all! I feel the same! It's so crazy with 4 young kids, but aren't they fun?!?! Your pics look great - window light and the reflection from the tile looks fabulous!
Not crazy. Not a lick. I love that you want them. You are beautiful.
with my youngest headed off the preschool in the fall i often wonder what i will do with myself.
(this freaks my husband out.)
Okay, everyone says not crazy but I say a tiny bit crazy and the only reason I recognize this craziness is because I have a touch of it. I have horrible pregnancies and a short temper and yet I want a big family! I think that is why God gave me rough pregnancies, if it were easy I would have way too many children. There are other things I want to do in my life IN ADDITION to mothering but not BESIDES it. Becoming a stay at home mom is the best career move I ever made and I say go with what your heart says.
Just remember in "Steel Magnolias" after Julia Roberts tells her mom ,Sally Field, that "Diabetics have healthy babies all the time, Mama" Sally Field pleads with Julia Roberts (their respective names Shelby and M'Lynn) in her decent Louisiana accent, "But your special Shelby!!!!" And then she throws the eggs she was crackin' to make Christmas cookies back in their carton and goes into the bedroom and sits down on the bed--with her back to the door and then Shelby comes in quietly and says " Mama, when we were younger what did you always tell us--"
"Oh Shelby I am not in the mood to play games!"
And then Julia Roberts continues "What did you say?"
And Sally Field says " All I ever said is that I wanted you to be happy",,,,,
Then Shelby says "The one thing that would be make me happy is to have this baby..."
And then M'Lynn and her hug, but its a hesitant, everything's-not-resolved kind of hug because, well, we know what's gonna happen, don't we? But that's just a movie..
some other favorite lines from that movie are when Dolly Parton says "Get with it Clairee, this is the 80's, if you can achieve puberty you can achieve a past!" Also when Dolly Parton does anything in that movie I get really excited because she's kinda awesome--but she's never had any children has she? I think you should be smart and follow your heart but remember "Steel Magnolias"! Also, Sunday is International Women's Day and every woman on the Metro or in the street today was carrying a bouquet of Tulips...they sure love their women here! And not all women are mothers, but its cool when they are!
love you,
your brother, not- on- drugs -for -real- but- certainly -sounding -like- it, Nathan
Nate, I need the kind of laughs that you provide.
your friends are all so sweet and supportive.
and possibly on crack.
don't do it. save your sanity while you can.
It was so hard for me to make the decision to stop at four. I could ALWAYS have more babies-I just couldn't handle more CHILDREN. They need so much from you in today's world. That said-only you can make that decision.
I feel the same, Martha! (except you say it so beautifully!) There are days when I feel like I could take on 5 more and then days when I feel like I can't even handle the ones I have! I look at Max and tell Kurt, "We can't stop!" It makes me sad to think of never doing this again. We'll see..... But I will never do anything permanent because I don't know how I will feel in 5 years (although time is NOT on my side!)
Your little Rosemary is beautiful! How could you stop??? They are our greatest accomplishments.
Do it! Do it!
Oh I understand that pull-- I still want just one more even though I really, truly can't. And your Rosemary makes we want one even more.
Just sit back, enjoy your babies and let God lead you. I'll tell you my story in person.
xoxo, m
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